A Fine Cup of Tea

May 14, 2015May 14, 2015 / handmadebyjo / 5 Comments

My life has become one of ritual – more of the slow motion type. These rituals center around the garden and putting food by. For years (and years) I have begun the canning season with rhubarb, always the first vegetable to make an appearance here. I planted my own patch of rhubarb on the property about 5 years ago. My mother always told me she couldn’t grow it here, she had tried for years.

Our real rhubarb ritual was to go to a friend’s house every spring and pick our fill there. Their patches of rhubarb are magnificent. This plant is showy and large. The rhubarb at this house fills large swathes around the back yard of the house as well as over by their vegetable garden. The woman with the gardens was also my mother’s best friend and I dare say picking rhubarb was an excuse to sit around a table with a cup of tea as well.

This ritual has gone on for more or less 55 years. The family became part of who we are. My mother passed away in 1989 but the ritual continued. The rhubarb gave me an excuse to visit, hear the stories of my childhood, catch up with a family I felt was my own.

I would be greeted at the door with a paper bag and a paring knife. Walking to the back yard I would pass a little flower garden where pansies were often planted. Little smiling faces in the sun not bothered by a little frost, first blooms. Once out back I would pull the stalks from the plants, cut the leaves and put them in a pile to mulch all the while remembering childhood sledding on the hill in the back. Recalling croquet games on the front lawn or swinging on the swing hung on the huge maple in the front yard. Overnight stays with crazy family dinners including homemade bread and the best tollhouse cookies. Laughter, always so much laughter and love beyond measure.

Once I had picked enough I would go into the house for that cuppa and chat. What should have taken a few minutes often turned into hours but this is what it was all about. Reminiscing and words of wisdom imparted across the kitchen table over a hot beverage. Most of all it was a reminder of how much we all loved each other and our families.

The most difficult part of life I think now is the shifting of generations. I am now of an age when all of our parents are leaving us. This year I will not go to pick rhubarb. The house is empty now and I am coming to terms with the fact that the matriarch is gone, left us a few days ago to join her beloved husband. I picture cups of tea being served all around in that great reunion. Walks around a warm, green verdant yard discussing kids and gardens. That is my vision of heaven really.

The shift is also to my own patch of rhubarb here. On hearing of her death I went out and picked some rhubarb and baked a cake to be eaten with a nice cup of tea while I remember. As I was in the garden I realized it wasn’t about rhubarb not growing on the property at all, it was about the ritual of visiting. Conscious or unconscious these women knew what they were doing.

The Spirit of a House

April 24, 2015 / handmadebyjo / 2 Comments

As the renovation project continues I’ve spent a lot of time on a ladder, paintbrush or putty knife in hand, thinking.

We moved into this house in 1967 when I was 11 years old. We drove by this house every Sunday for years before because my mother lusted after it in a huge way. Why, I do not know and never will.

On moving day we were allowed to pick out our bedrooms (although I have an idea they were already picked out for us). The exception being the room I’m currently doing which is adjacent to the bathroom. The master bedroom, also known as the creepiest room in the house.

I believe an old houses has a spirit that is palpable when you walk into it. I think it’s part of the appeal to those of us who live and love these old places. We can feel the lives that have been lived in them. The house in Enfield is truly one of the happiest buildings I have ever been in. Friends have commented on it and it’s the reason we fell in love with it. Good things had happened in that place over it’s 176 year life.

The house on Fort Pelham Farm is not the same kind of place. I felt it the minute I walked in 48 years ago. It has some bad juju and we all know it, just ask my siblings. I’ve done the genealogy of the place trying to figure out what could possibly have happened here that could give it such a sad vibe. You know, it’s not just sad, it’s a little angry as well. I’ve never found anything in particular and sometimes think it’s spirit comes from neglect or “improvements”done by people who knew not what they were doing or were just plain lazy.

Bill and I have done a lot to this place over the past few years. In the back of my mind I’m hoping that renovating in a thoughtful way will help to disperse some of the bad vibes that have been felt here over the years. The living room, with its 3 year project coming to a close was the scene of friends dancing on its expansive floor before furniture was returned. Walls had been replaced, sanding, painting and general TLC had come to an end with a smudge stick of sage from the garden burned to exorcise the demons. I truly believe the act of lovingly breathing new life into the building itself helped its spirit. That and lots of laughter with family and friends.

Upstairs the woodwork has been painted, the plaster patched, the wallpaper begins to go up today. Just painting has made the room feel lighter. I think as we continue to improve the structure itself and bring in laughter and love the spirit of the place can change. Once the garden is in full swing I will also be rolling a couple more sage smudge sticks because you never know.

Our Buddy

February 3, 2015February 3, 2015 / handmadebyjo / 8 Comments

There are dogs and then there are dogs. Those of you that have ever been blessed with the company of a dog understand that throughout a lifetime some of them stand out. Their personalities are a total fit and they form an unforgettable bond. Buddy was just such a dog. After 14 years of making us laugh almost every single day we had to say goodbye this past Saturday. It was difficult yet not unexpected.

Buddy was our last family dog coming to us when my daughters were in junior high and high school. He was part of all of their circles of friends and enough of a character to remain in their memories even though they hadn’t seen him for years. He was the athlete, the clown and the sweetest animal I have ever known. He moved through the transition of a family of 4 to one of just 2 adults. He remained my youngest daughter’s best friend, she was his person. He was always part of coming home.

I’m in the same camp as Jon Katz when it comes to the end of our dogs lives. I believe Buddy’s job was finished here and it was time for him to move on to the next. We have dogs come into our lives with just what we need at the time. They have a job. They are the ones that get us through particular trials and contribute to the joys we have in our lives. When their job is done they move on. I like to think of Buddy’s spirit moving on to another family where he can entertain kids and adults with his antics and loved for the gentle spirit that he was.

We knew it was time on Friday and our vet came to the house Saturday afternoon. Buddy hated going to the vet more than any animal I have known and we wanted to do right by him. He died in Cait’s lap, his favorite spot for many, many years, giving us a peaceful closure so important to saying goodbye to someone you love. He will truly be missed.

Thanksgiving Reflection

November 27, 2014 / handmadebyjo / 3 Comments

I woke up this morning to the silence of a house without power. It wasn’t unexpected. Around 5:00 I decided to get up and stoke the wood stove, try to get things together for coffee without a coffee maker. As I walked down the stairs the lights came on, the furnace fired up and within minutes coffee was hot in my cup. Ahh, little gifts.

The anticipation of this holiday always keeps me awake the night before. It’s a throwback from childhood when family gathered at the house for food, fun and the Macy’s parade. Most of these relatives I only saw once or twice a year. I loved being surrounded by people who loved me, what child doesn’t?

While lying awake I considered all that I was thankful for, an exercise that I do fairly often. It keeps things in perspective. Albert Einstein once said, “There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” I try to look at everything as being a miracle.

The thing that continues to come into my head as both a miracle and something I am profoundly thankful for is my ongoing reunion with Scott. It’s been difficult to wrap my head around having a son that is back in my life. Left as an infant, returned as an adult. Bone of my bone flesh of my flesh. Someone who has been with me through most of my life’s journey in spirit yet I was the only one that knew it.

My daughters bringing him into the fold – slowly, cautiously at first then with open arms. They speak of him with love and amazement at the similarities only relatives have. My husband helping me work through the demons that have followed me from one lifetime to another. My friends that continually point out what an amazing story this all is. A miracle in many, many ways.

Look around you today, take notice of those miracles – those little gifts. The beauty of the snow, the birds that grace our feeders, the fox tracks through the yard. Look at the smiles on the faces of those you love. Treasure those messages from those unable to join you for the holiday. Remember those that have gone before you that made the traditions you celebrate now.

Everything is a miracle.

Happy Thanksgiving!

For the Record

November 15, 2014 / handmadebyjo / 5 Comments

There are times you do things that are uncomfortable for the sake of family and history. For my entire life I was always the photographer. I took the photographs because I always hated the way I looked in them. If I took the photograph I would never have to be in it – for me a win win.

A little over a month ago I decided that I needed to have a family portrait taken – for many, many reasons. I think everyone needs to do this, if for no other reason than a record for future generations. I have uncovered photographs in my attic clean up of my great grandparents weddings, or them with their siblings and mother. Photographs taken around 1900 – over 100 years ago – that give me a little glimpse of their lives. For me a gift. Having this portrait done was my gift to grandchildren and great-grandchildren yet to be born. A little piece of my life.

There was a lot involved with this whole plan on my part. First and foremost was the photographer. I messaged an old friend with the request. His work is something that I have admired for a long time and he was one of the very few I trusted with photographing me. (It’s all about me you understand, I knew everyone else would look great). I’ve known Joe since the early 80’s, there is no one I would trust more with this photograph.

It was also important to me to have Scott be photographed with us. Although he is a new-found member of our family he is one that has been fully embraced. It was also important to me as part of the record that he be involved. My only regret about it is I have to tell people who he is – over and over. In years to come he will just be my son and my daughters’ brother. He is one of us, he just came late to the party.

The appointed hour came and we met Joe of Josephs at the appointed hour at Forest Park in Springfield, MA. We have a history of photographs in this park and it seemed the perfect setting to me (even though Joe thought Fort Pelham Farm was where it should be – another time maybe). We had a great time. Joe was entertaining and comfortable in his work. He also did an amazing job and it was everything I hoped it would be.

I looked at 176 proofs today. What I was struck with is how old I am. In my head I will always be around 27 but in the photographs I am an older woman. I know it’s me but I’m shocked in a way at how old I really am. Having my adult children around me just brought it home. They all have lives quite separate from mine. I see little glimpses of them as children but my days of parenting children are sadly over and have been for quite some time. It’s all a little bittersweet. The record has been made, we all look like we still love one another. I know at this point that the likelihood of this happening again is pretty much nonexistent. That’s okay.

I can take these photographs and enjoy them for the moment that they captured. A beautiful fall afternoon, warm with a slight breeze, spent laughing with the people I care about the most. Maybe 100 years from now someone will find a few photographs in the attic and glean a little about the people in this little family group. I hope it just shows them how happy we were on this afternoon and that we care about one another.

Winding Into Winter

October 31, 2014 / handmadebyjo / 1 Comment

The temperature was at freezing this morning. I lit the stove using last nights coals and made my coffee. The morning temperatures have been in the mid forties for the past few weeks but I start the stove every morning to take the chill off. I love the cheeriness of that fire when I walk into the kitchen.

The past few weeks have been a whirlwind of activity as it always is when winter approaches. Most of the wood is in, the fall cleaning is finished. Things are moved around (like sleeping areas) to be the most comfortable for the winter. We do not have heat on the second floor of the house so the electric blankets went onto the beds.

Everything left was dug out of the garden, a bumper crop of carrots this year both Danvers and Atomic Reds. The Atomic Reds were one of this years experiments and I would plant them again. I was disappointed that they don’t stay red when they are cooked much like those purple beans.

The month of October was also a time of connecting with friends, both old and new. A very dear friend of mine stopped in to visit me while on a trip here from New Mexico. I haven’t seen her since 1995 yet we picked up as though we’d seen each other a month ago. It was wonderful reminder of how dear my old friends are.

Our 2nd Annual Harvest Party was a success other than the weather, but all that really did was keep us in the house. Not a bad way to spend a Saturday afternoon – eating great food with great friends and family. This event is always an interesting mix of old and new acquaintances. It’s always fun to rehash the day with newcomers who are trying to learn who the players in my life are.

Then there are the newest “friends”. My cyber community has evolved into the most interesting ways in the past few months. I have become acquainted with a few like-minded people who are working towards some self-sufficiency. They are craftsmen, farmers, artists, renovators. They have similar interests and through our frequent posts we get to know a little about each other. This has offered me an opportunity to learn a lot about some of my interests. They are generous in conversation, answering questions I might have about weaving, gardening or livestock. The readers of this blog offer words of wisdom in situations I write about. It’s a little support system.

The changes in the past few months have been interesting and not always as expected. Rowe is an isolated area and you have to work harder at being social. I’m not always able to leave and the ability to converse over the web has in some respects kept me sane. It keeps me connected with my kids, spouse and friends – old and new.

As we wind into winter, a time when serious arts and crafting come into full swing I’ll continue to share interesting tidbits of what is happening here and welcome the interaction of those who read it. I’m looking forward to the down time. Having the quiet and solitude always turns my mind towards creativity – I’m always thinking, planning. There just is never the time during the warmer months for sitting at the loom or hooking a rug. Winter will offer a respite from the yard work and gardening, it will allow me to recharge and dream about spring. By the time it arrives I’ll be ready.

Reunion

September 1, 2014September 1, 2014 / handmadebyjo / 1 Comment

We spent the greater part of yesterday at a high school reunion. This one was a little different, the first 10 classes of Mohawk Trail Regional High School gathered at the Charlemont Fairgrounds for a festival of sorts. It felt like a small fair with the food vendors and class tents. Bands played from the past all day long, whisking us back to youth with the power only music has on one’s memory. There were activities, group photos, reminiscing along with a table of yearbooks and photographs that did and didn’t make the cut back in the day (how those survived 35+ years is beyond me).

This is the kind of thing that reminds you how close our communities are. As I have said in the past, each town that sent kids to this regional school was a small town. My class from Rowe consisted of four people (including me). In school you make your lifetime friends I believe but for those of us that grew up in such small communities our town friends become our family. Having the reunion encompass so many years, with my class right in the middle allowed us to not only visit with our classmates but reconnect with people we wouldn’t have otherwise.

In this age of social media we are fortunate to be able to stay connected with some of our favorite people with a touch of a few buttons. It is an amazing world. When I arrived at the reunion it was good to see so many of the people I talk to so often, it felt comfortable. Then there were a few of those OMG moments. Those occurred when I recognized someone I never thought I would see at an event like this.

Good moments, moments of recognition, hugs, warmth, familiarity. These were moments spent with the people I have known since I was 5 years old. Moments talking about age, family, life. It was a time, however brief, when I felt like I was surrounded by the best parts of my family. These are the people who know you so very well. The interesting thing is that many of them I have not seen in a decade. It’s the situation you find yourself in where you just pick up where you left off.

I read somewhere a long time ago that people who know each other from their youth always see each other as they were when they were young. A trick of the mind. So all of that graying hair, weight gain or loss, baldness falls away as the conversation begins – you are really seeing their soul in some respect, their essence. You see them as you know them and always have.

For me, that’s the amazing thing about these reunions. While part of it always serves to remind me how quickly time passes I am quickly reminded that even with the passage of time we all are essentially still teenagers in our minds.

Hand Made

August 1, 2014 / handmadebyjo / 10 Comments

Yesterday the weather wasn’t conducive to gardening, or much of anything outdoors. Although there was plenty to do in the house (like vacuuming) I decided to finish up the project on the loom.

This is a 72″ runner with a linen warp and wool weft. I made it for a friend of mine who has been one of my weaving cheerleaders since the beginning. She has an older home and her love of blue and white traditional overshot drove the project. I told her last year that I would make her something and that’s what lead me to the linen warp. It was an experience.

These are my favorite projects, the ones I make for particular people. It’s a different kind of effort. As I said before it’s really the process not the project. Once it was off of the loom, fringed and wet finished I photographed it and then folded it and got it ready for presentation. The gifting is my favorite part.

The end of last year I was weaving some beautiful twill towels with the intention of gifting one of them to one of my biggest cheerleaders. The intent was Christmas as he wondered how he could get on my Christmas list. Well, as usual, life got in the way and they weren’t ready by Christmas, or by January. His health took a turn for the worse after the holidays and in my heart I knew this was the end. It all but stopped my progress on that project. It came to a screeching halt actually. He passed away in March and with that I had to change my entire mindset on those towels. I did finish them and gifted them to my oldest daughter – they were her colors. In weaving the last of the warp though he was constantly on my mind.

I don’t know how to explain what happened when he died honestly. The week after his death I was a total mess, trying to find meaning in what had transpired surrounding it. After his memorial service I was at total peace. Not just peace with his passing, peace with everything. It was as though the moment he died he took all of my lifetime crap with him when he left. I just had to be quiet enough to see it. Now I always knew we had a connection and over the past year or two he was more than ready to lend an empathetic ear but this was unexpected. There is no other explanation, the calm with my life came when he left. Thank you.

The loss of a dear friend, in the middle of a project like that gives urgency to finishing things when they are made directly for someone. I really want this to go to its intended home. Although I have never seen her table I imagine it laying there and the pleasure it will give to its recipient.

Last year, after winning a blue ribbon on an overshot throw at the Eastern States Exposition, Paul wrote on my post about it. “Hands made this. Hands were used by a person. A person made this. It holds and conveys the sense and feel of those hands and the spirit of that person. Yes, it is beautiful.” There are people who intrinsically understand this about things that are hand-made. Maybe it comes from making art of your own because I know many people who don’t get it.

I will continue to weave and create beautiful things and giving many of them away. I think a little piece of my soul goes with them most of the time and I gift to those that can see it.

The bonus on most weaving projects is I always warp a little longer than required so I can play at the end. The photo above is a small table runner I made in a variation of the pattern and that one stays on my table.

That Special Dog

July 30, 2014July 30, 2014 / handmadebyjo / 4 Comments

I opened my computer this morning not knowing what I would write about and looked at the photo above which is my current desktop pic. Kids and dogs, kids and this dog.

I haven’t written much lately about Chester. He doesn’t currently live in Rowe with me, rather than stay in the freedom of country life he would rather be at the shop with Bill. Apparently there isn’t enough social interaction here. He just really loves Bill and always wants to go everywhere with him so . . . I pretend I’m okay with it.

Weekends are a different story. He plays a lot. Goes swimming at least once a day and when we do take out the boat he is very happy to go with us. It’s all about the games. There are tennis balls and frisbees on the boat and he knows it. He will be playing fetch for hours, not just minutes.

We had company a couple of weekends ago that he loved more than anything. An eleven year old boy who seemed to be pretty committed to the game as well. Hours upon hours of fetch – on dry land and in the lake.

Watching these two you realize how great life can be, how great it should be. They were so happy in each other’s company.

Chester seeks out children. He loves them. He is the most gentle animal and seems to be able to sense exactly what game will work with whatever age the child is. If they are scared or nervous he gently helps them to warm up to him. His goal in life is to make every kid want a dog. I have had to tell more than one parent that not all dogs are like him, he’s special. He has been this way since he came to us.

I told a friend of mine whose business is training dogs that I have never had a dog quite like him. He told me I had found my lifetime dog (he was still waiting for his). He is right. I’ve had a few dogs, there is a hierarchy in remembering them – from the best to the worst. I loved them all but wow, Chester is it, there will never be another.

How Things Change

April 11, 2014April 11, 2014 / handmadebyjo / 2 Comments

I don’t sleep much these days. I wake up early in the morning (often very early). I squint at the clock to see if it’s too outrageously early to get up. My rule is if it’s before 4:30 AM I have to stay in bed.

Getting up really early affords you the opportunities to see the sun rise. It seems like I take a photograph from the same spot looking out the living room window a lot but in doing so I’ve seen some amazing sunrises. Yesterday was a perfectly clear beginning to a beautiful spring day. Finally! It has been one long winter.

With spring also comes some huge life changes for me (all of my family really). After spending the past 30 years travelling from Enfield to Rowe and back I will be moving there full time in May. Unfortunately I will be moving there without most of my significant others. They will continue the weekend commute.

This was not an easy decision to come to. Dad will be coming home and I will be staying with him. Every single person that hears about it has asked me the exact same question, exact same words “So, how is this going to work?” I tell them all the same thing – “I won’t know until I’m in it”. You do what you have to do.

It seems as though everyone I know my age is dealing with the same issues that we are. We are all caring for our aging parents in one way or another. I’m not sure most of them are living separate from their spouses for days at a time but our relationship is strong and we look at it as another thing to work through. I am fortunate that my father is pretty capable at this time. His health has stabilized. He’s pretty sharp as well. Throwback Thursdays could take on a whole different tone with him telling me the stories behind the photos.

I think the loss of sleep comes when I wake up and start thinking about what I take with me and what I leave behind. I look at it as leaving things behind because I will be leaving a large piece of my life in Enfield. Don’t get me wrong, I will not miss Enfield for a minute. I will miss my home, my bed, my furniture, my tchotche. This is the part that has almost immobilized me. I wander around the house at times and think “Should I take this?” I packed a few things and brought them to Rowe at the beginning of the week. When it came time to unpack the box I just wondered why I packed what I did.

My life has been so different in one place or the other. I guess I didn’t realize how different each life was until I had to think about walking away from one. I moved to Enfield when I married Bill. My kids were born and raised there. They are grown and I went through the empty nest thing years ago but I will be leaving the Mom part of my life in Enfield – at least the biggest part. Not sure that makes sense – suffice it to say that this will probably be the biggest change I have ever made.

Time will tell. I was horrified when my father was in rehab and then moved to assisted living. I couldn’t imagine my health being bad enough for someone to move me away from a place I loved and had lived in for 50+ years without so much as a discussion. I knew that if his health stabilized I would bring him back to Rowe. He’s counting the days, for different reasons I’m sure.

I take comfort in the fact that I will be able to garden more, walk in the woods, sit and soak in the birdsong, play with Chester. Compensation for being put into a somewhat difficult situation. I will also be able to see the sun rise from the same spot every single day.

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